Games People Still Play: What Eric Berne Teaches Us About Modern Workplaces

I first read Eric Berne’s The Games People Play whilst on a course back in the early 2000s. It was a three-day Women in Management event, and the trainers had brought along a small library of recommended titles we could borrow.

​I picked up Berne’s book on the first morning and barely put it down. Every break, every evening moment, I was completely absorbed.

​When I returned it on the final day, I knew I wasn’t finished, so I ordered a copy for next-day delivery and read it cover to cover that weekend. What I read opened my eyes to how we interact with one another, particularly in professional environments.
Berne’s observations on human behaviour and transactional patterns stuck with me long after that course. His insights into the subtle games we play, often without realising, still influence how I interpret team dynamics, stakeholder conversations and even digital communication.

When Games People Play was published in 1964, Zoom meetings and Slack messages weren’t even a thought. Yet the behavioural patterns he described appear everywhere; in office politics, cryptic emails and the unsaid tension of a virtual team call. The tools may have changed, but the dynamics remain.

---

Games People Still Play: What Eric Berne Teaches Us About Modern Workplaces

When Eric Berne published Games People Play in 1964, he couldn’t have foreseen Zoom calls or Slack channels, but the human behaviours he observed remain strikingly familiar. His insight into transactional analysis (TA) revealed the psychological games individuals use, consciously or otherwise, to structure social interactions. Sixty years later, these same dynamics show up in office politics, passive-aggressive emails and even in the subtle silences of a group video call.

The premise is simple: people use transactions to get what they need emotionally. However, many of these exchanges follow repetitive and unhealthy patterns—what Berne called “games.” These games may provide short-term relief, but they often reinforce negative roles and prevent productive collaboration.

Let’s explore why Berne’s work still rings true in 2025 and how to apply it to today’s workplace, whether that’s a buzzing office, a kitchen table or somewhere in the cloud.

Understanding Games and Ego States

​At the heart of Berne’s theory are three ego states: Parent, Adult and Child. These are not roles or personality types, but psychological postures we shift between constantly.

• Parent: Echoes the attitudes and rules we’ve absorbed from authority figures
• Adult: Deals rationally with the here and now, based on facts and logic
• Child: Holds the emotional responses we had growing up

​
Berne suggested that when conversations veer off course or leave us feeling drained, it’s often because we’ve fallen into one of his “games.” For instance, the game Why Don’t You – Yes But often crops up in brainstorming sessions. Someone solicits ideas but dismisses every one with a “yes, but…” response. It frustrates problem-solvers and maintains the status quo by keeping the real issue hidden.

Berne’s key insight: “The most common form of human stupidity is forgetting what we are trying to accomplish.” It’s not the behaviour alone, but the hidden payoff, relief from responsibility, the rush of being right or the validation of being wronged, that sustains the game.

Relevance in Hybrid and Remote Workplaces

​The shift to hybrid and remote work hasn't removed these dynamics—it’s simply given them new forms. A misfired emoji or ambiguous message can still trigger a Parent-Child transaction. Micro-games often emerge in:

• Email chains where people CC managers to escalate control
• Zoom calls where silence is used to apply pressure or withdraw cooperation
• Slack threads where jokes mask criticism or resentment

​
The digital setting may even amplify some games due to the lack of contextual clues. Body language is filtered through pixels. Pauses feel heavier.

​The temptation to play Now I’ve Got You, You Son of a Bitch, one of Berne’s more colourful titles, lurks in many compliance-led roles. This game plays out when someone watches a colleague make a mistake and swoops in with evidence to punish them rather than help prevent it.

Using TA to Strengthen Working Relationships

Understanding Berne’s model can help teams become more self-aware. The first step is spotting when a transaction is slipping from Adult-Adult into Parent-Child. For example, a manager asking “Why haven’t you done this yet?” in a critical tone may inadvertently adopt a controlling Parent stance, prompting a rebellious or sulky Child response.

Instead, an Adult question such as “What’s the current blocker to completing this?” keeps the interaction constructive.
​
Here are some ways to apply Berne’s principles:

1. Audit Common Patterns
   In team retrospectives or 1:1s, look at where conversations break down or feel emotionally draining. Were people seeking validation, superiority or punishment?
2. Normalise the Language
   Introduce the terms 'Parent', 'Adult' and 'Child' in internal communications training. It gives teams a shared language for reflection without blame.
3. Use Games as Signals
   Rather than seeing games as failures, use them as prompts. If someone’s always playing Poor Me, it might signal burnout, not bad attitude.
4. Reframe Feedback Loops
   Encourage managers to swap top-down corrections for collaborative problem-solving. The goal is to remain in the Adult ego state as often as possible.
5. De-escalate Digitally
   Use neutral phrasing in written communication. Ask clarifying questions and avoid sarcasm or “tone policing,” which can reignite games unintentionally.

Bringing It Into the Office or Virtual Room

​Whether gathered around a boardroom table or dotted across continents on webcams, teams still need to feel heard, respected and psychologically safe. Berne’s framework helps reveal the unspoken undercurrents in every group.

By staying alert to when conversations drift into Parent-Child mode, leaders can gently nudge the dynamic back to Adult-Adult. This is especially powerful in conflict resolution, performance reviews and during change management.

Berne’s assertion that “the eternal problem of the human being is how to structure his waking hours” still resonates. If we do not structure them through honest, goal-oriented communication, we’ll structure them through games—and often damaging ones.
​

Final Thoughts

Games aren’t always malicious. Sometimes, they’re coping mechanisms. But left unchecked, they create unnecessary tension and limit team potential. Eric Berne gave us a toolkit to decode these patterns and build more authentic interactions.

In a time where collaboration depends not just on presence but on tone, nuance and emotional intelligence, Games People Play offers more than nostalgia. It provides a lens for understanding the unspoken dramas of modern work—and a path to better ones.

The intelligence behind every interaction starts with recognising the scripts we unconsciously follow—and choosing to write better ones.
​

#WorkSmarter #DealingWithIssues #HybridWorking